How to live a life with Passion

I used to get jealous of people who had a strong passion, a force that was driving their life and maybe even giving it purpose. Who doesn’t want to experience that fire every day, every moment?

Looking at my life in comparison to somebody who has dedicated their life to winning a gold metal at the Olympics or pursuing art in their studio, it seemed like I was just drifting without direction. Over the years I’ve often found myself at junctions in my life where I wasn’t satisfied with the life I was leading but wasn’t sure what I was ‘meant’ to do instead. And that could set me off a whole rabbit hold. Maybe you can relate. At one point in my life I uprooted everything - my job, my back-then home town, all my belongings to go find that ‘something’, to live a life with passion. After all, that’s what people often tell you - to follow your passion. Problem was, I had no idea what my passion was. 

The Science of Passion / being ‘passionately successful’

There is an interesting concept of two different kinds of passions, introduced by Daniel Lerner, who is teaching “The Science of Happiness” course at New York University. The two different kinds of passion are - Harmonious Passion and Obsessive Passion.

In a Good Life Project Podcast I listened to recently Daniel Lerner gives the example of two pianists in music school. Both practice for hours at ends. And when it’s lunch time, they both get a knock on the door from a fellow student with an invitation to go to lunch. For the case of the pianist being harmoniously passionate, he’ll look up '“Oh gosh, time really flew by this morning! Yes, let’s go get some food in the cafe across the street” and he’ll go have lunch, be social and come back to continue practicing later. On the other hand, the obsessive passionate will dismiss the knock on the door with a “I can’t go, I have to practice. I have a concert next week.” And they’ll do nothing but intensely practice all day. 

Harmonious Passion is also referred to as ‘healthy passion’. It means to that you are pursuing your passion as PART of your life. You are doing what you love for the pure reason of loving it. You enjoy the process while other things and pursuits can still and do enhance your life along with it. On the other side, obsessive passion is referred to as unhealthy passion whereas you’re single-mindedly focused on one thing and one thing alone. The focus is more on the outcome and achieving a certain goal than the pleasure of the process itself.

Does thinking of the more varied definition of harmonious (or healthy) passion make you rethink on how to live a life with passion?

It removes the pressure of the ‘one and only thing’ that we can obsess over and pour our entire life in. “Something we love doing”. That sounds a lot more attainable!

How to find ‘something you love doing’

I’ll be honest. When I quit my job many moons ago and reset my life, even that didn’t help me. What do I love doing? I don’t know. I’ve never thought of it that way, my time had been occupied with going to work, working late, traveling for work, going out for drinks with colleagues and friends. Not that any of this is wrong, but would I label those as “I love doing that!”? Probably not.  

1. Just start somewhere, it’s a journey.

A few months ago I stumbled over a quote on social media. 

“You often feel tired, not because you've done too much, but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you.”

That really resonated with me and over the last year I have made it a priority to carve out time for things that bring me joy. I started to look at “things that bring me joy” as a precursor to “things I love doing”. And it has changed the way I live my life!  “something you love doing” doesn’t have to be this one and only thing throughout your life. It can evolve and develop with you. You just have to start somewhere. 

I started taking a pottery class, going for a morning walk while listening to a podcast, trying out a new recipe to cook. Taking an online master class of flower arranging, decorating the home. This has led me to start this page here, selling some of the pottery I have made in my garage and that I’d now like to use to share more of my journey of finding joy. I hosted a little flower arranging workshop and met some of my neighbors. Recently I started an illustrating practice and had an idea for a children’s book. 

There really is no shortage of things and experiences I’m curious about. And being on this journey to explore all the different things that pull me in - that in itself is a wonderful thing. Who knows where this will lead to?

2. Do it for the sake of joy, not the outcome

None of these things are massive per se, and in the past I would judge and criticize myself for starting something new every other month. However, the judgement only comes when I look at it from the outcome side.

Me from a few years ago would judge me for learning about flower arranging without starting side business selling flower bouquets. Me from a few years ago would judge me for starting pottery and not making a full second income from it. If I let go of the judgement and focus on an outcome for a second, I really appreciate the time I spent in the garage getting my hands dirty, getting to know my neighbors and forming friendships. I AM living with more passion! I may not have become JK Rowling but I love spending time going to the library, researching children’s books and letting my imagination go wild with characters and story line.

The journey is the goal, the moments of joy in-between are the goal. Focusing and really taking the time to ENJOY them has been a game changer.

3. Plan it!

Those of you who know me, know how pragmatic I am. There really isn’t anything ‘magical’ or special about being able to live a life with passion. It really is about making time for things that bring you joy. And you make time by prioritizing it and scheduling in. So many times I hear friends say “I wish I had the time to do this” or “When do you DO all these things?” and the fact is that we all have the same 24h in every day. We all have adult responsibilities - paying the bills, taking care of our health, being there for family members and friends. And there are phases where it takes more of our time or less, but unless we are protective of our time and schedule things that bring us joy the same way we schedule our work day, something else will always ‘TAKE’ the time. Even if it’s just scrolling through social media.  

It’s not about ‘having the time’ for it. It’s about ‘making the time’ for it.

I hope that this post helps you take your first steps to live a life with passion. It really is a lot less intimidating if we break it down into doing things we love in some of our time.